When one gets overwhelmed by life…
Posted by: addenza on: November 4, 2009
It’s been quite long since I last blogged. Anyway, I went crazy doing my OP slides that day and slept for less than one hour because I had a lot of things to finish by the next day since it was the OP trial. And I stayed back to help out with the overwhelming number of people who wanted to join guitar. O.o So I had to finish my I&R, OP slides, and redo my cue cards starting from 6pm. I finished everything at 4.45am. And I was supposed to get up at 5.30am, but then my mom let me sleep a while longer and I got up at 5.40am instead (cause my sis didn’t need to wake up so early that day).
Okay, back to the point. We changed our slides again. I think this is the third major change. And I’m going to die clicking the slides cause if I even click one wrongly, then the whole thing will screw up – if I click back, the entire slide will start from scratch. O.o
So. I’m just going to die. Wheeeee. Can’t wait for OP to be over. 
Nothing much today. Went to eat at 18 Chefs. I realised that I’ve been spending a lot lately. O.o And I’ve not been eating dinner for the past two days (and now I’m hungry -.-).
My paragraphs are getting shorter cause I ran out of things to say. -_-
I’m definitely going to screw up OP tomorrow. And the one on Friday. And the actual one on Monday. SIGHHHHHHHH. I need to learn how to go without cue cards, and speak confidently while looking into the examiners’ eyes…
On a happier note, DGM 188 is finally out (well, it was out 5 days before the actual date…) and it just gave us more questions than answers. Sigh. But at least it’s back on a regular basis (monthly).
Well, I’ll just have to “wring it” tomorrow, I guess. I don’t understand why people want to wake up so early in the morning. I HATE WAKING UP EARLY. [/rant]
Oh yeah, and whenever I go online nowadays, I will get a headache within ten minutes. Cause there’s a lot of problems to work out and people see me and start asking me questions. I think I remember why I love appearing offline…
Unconstructive comments will be deleted.
Posted by: addenza on: October 25, 2009
You can always drop me a comment if you find that I have really gone out of board but please do not flame me. I will get the message with just a comment. All flames will be deleted.
-taken from my Disclaimer page.
Apparently there are people who do not understand what the definition of “flame” means. Here’s my definition. Unconstructive comments that tell me I’m no good without giving me a good reason why they made that comment.
Yes, “poop“, I’m talking about you. At least give me your name, where you are from and a good reason why I apparently need to reflect on myself. And I’ll keep your suggestion in mind when I next post. If not, I will not accept flames from a person whom I do not even know and anything that you post will be constantly deleted.
A timely email…?
Posted by: addenza on: October 23, 2009
Just read this email from Mr. Teo (our DM) telling everyone to keep their noise level to a minimum cause there are still people taking exams. Sigh. I recall reading one right before my Promos too. But of course, it didn’t work much.
For our Math exam, there were people CHEERING/SCREAMING non-stop at the gym (cause the hall is next to that) and the gym creates echoes. So the noise level was twice that of the usual one. And I was so unlucky to be sitting near the back of the hall that was nearest to the gym. O.o Oh yeah, I was silently cursing those people and felt highly tempted to do the same to them when they were having exams. But I thought that that would just reflect badly on me. XDD And I was going to be busy with PW while they had their exams, so I decided against the idea. Though it’s annoying when you’re trying to find the answer to a particularly tricky question and your mind is filled with the happy cheering of the junior high students having PE on that day. Oh, and if I remember correctly, it was on a Wednesday. Somehow, the teachers conducting the lessons just let them shout without thinking of us. Maybe they should hang a banner that says “EXAMINATION IN PROGRESS. SHUT UP OR DIE. PLEASE REMAIN SILENT.” over the railings of the gym and that might remind them to keep quiet? And the same can be done in the canteen and parade square. Haha. Okay, that was a random idea. Which might possibly work. Oh great, I’m thinking in PW now. =_=
Why do we have to pay for their sins?
Posted by: addenza on: October 23, 2009
I’m not really switching to livejournal. I just opened an account so that I can keep up with Mirabelle, who doesn’t allow anonymous posting. Sigh. Okay, anyway, my point is that I’ll still be using my WordPress, probably simultaneously with this one. Haha. So I’ll just copy and paste what I type here to the WP one. By the way, LJ feels like dA. XDDD As in, the posting thing.
Met up with my PW mates to submit the WR. It was a relief to get it off my mind. I nearly killed myself formatting the stupid WR. It made me go into a bad mood for a long time. XD Oh, and one lesson I learnt about myself from PW: if I’m not in a position of authority… scratch that, I meant, the person of highest authority, I won’t do anything for the project. Because the others cannot give me what I want. Like I have this idea in my head about what the whole WR should look like, and I received something else, which made it unbearable to look at (for me, anyway). And I really needed to look at the thing properly, so I just retyped everything into a new document and cut down on the words. Surprise: we have two projects (well, something like that) and lots of sub-projects, but we still managed to squeeze everything within 3 000 words. O.o I bet the guy at the printing shop earns a lot of money every year just from printing WRs. XDD We had to print 2 coloured copies and 2 photocopied ones. Yesterday, Zenn argued all the way from school (in the morning) to 328 Katong Laksa where we had lunch, to Summerfrost (where we had shaved ice that was really nice) until we walked to Katong Shopping Mall to get the thing printed. And while waiting, we argued again at the shop. O.o It was killing me.
Back to today.
Went to school early to submit cause CK had Chinese lesson today at 10. Sigh. Zenn was asking why we couldn’t meet up later when the dateline was 12 noon cause I said to meet up at 9.45. I initially wanted 11.30, but Dilys was arguing with me over sms and I really killed my sms and fingers trying to explain to her why. (Oh yeah, and it was also because I had guitar practice in the afternoon and it made more sense to go later so that I won’t have nothing to do around school.) I’m so sick of arguing with them. I get a headache everytime I meet up for PW cause they ask so many questions at the same time that I don’t even have the chance to answer one of them before another one comes up with a question. Okay, I’m sidetracking again.
After we submitted the WR, Zenn, Cass and I went to the student lounge to play pool/Wii/watch other people play Wii. XDDD I somewhat learnt how to play pool. Yay. And Mr. Chew joined us later while waiting for Kai Ming’s group and Chris’ group to submit their drafts. KM’s group is scary. They were binding the thing at 11 plus?!!!! But Mr. Chew really is a pro at pool. >< Yi Xiang actually won Mr. Chew, though. We were all very surprised. Haha. I got tired after playing pool for a while and decided to sit in front of the TV and watch Yi Xiang/Zenn play Okami on Wii. XDD It’s an interesting game, but since I get lost so easily in a game (as well as real life), I declined the offer to play it. XDD I’ll probably kill Yi Xiang’s character which took him 24 accumulated hours to reach the level. The place got crowded sometime around noon, and I decided to drag Cass out to KFC for lunch cause I got sick of McDonalds’ after eating it for 3 days for the past week. We were talking and walking until Cass suddenly realised that we were not walking to KFC but to KLP. XDD So we did an about turn and walked the long way to KFC. Oh. I guess that’s why I’m tired now. Haha.
Went back to school for guitar practice. Very happy with my section for Always With Me cause everyone can at least play the song without telling me, “Wen Yi, I have no idea how to play this song at all!” All I need to do for the sectionals would be to coordinate the playing! But more work needs to be done for Dance of the Yao. I keep feeling like Siew Ting, Liu Jin and I are the only ones playing (i.e. the ones sitting in front) because Felicia plays softly (low confidence?) and Wan Bo can only learn by using tabs…… Sigh. It’s a good thing i learnt how to read notes. Okay, I should stop bitching about this.
Um, so basically, that’s all for today. I got kind of stressed out last week because of all the work for WR and OP I had to do. And the last week of school sucked cause I didn’t get to sleep before 11pm due to all the stuff undone and people telling me that they cannot take it so I had to do it for them. No, not implying anything. I just need to vent my frustrations and irritation like a girl. =D
Double standards
Posted by: addenza on: October 19, 2009
You and your double standards. But I’m not that stupid to pick a fight with someone who’s asking for it.
The list of what you can say/do to me but I must never ever say/do to you:
1. “Shut up!”
I say this when you’re noisy and you say that you want to slap me or that “I know you’re saying this cause you’re losing the fight” and become pleased with yourself.
You say this when you sense that you’re losing the fight.
2. Being rude
I do this when we get into an argument and you scold me.
You do this whenever you get into an argument with anyone.
3. Swear words
I must not say English swear words/vulgarities.
It’s okay for you to say them in dialect.
4. Nagging/Repeating the same words over and over again
If I say the same thing more than once to you, you say that I’m irritating and tell me to shut up.
If you do the same thing, you do it for almost the entire day. And I cannot tell you to shut up because you will then fly into a rage.
5. The last word.
In a fight, it’s illegal for me to have the last word.
You’re the only one who is allowed to do so.
But did you know? Having the last word in the fight is different from having the last laugh.
—
If all of the above doesn’t show that you have double standards, I don’t know what else is “double standards”.
Yes, we are all imperfect, but don’t show it so blatantly.
ColorGenics III
Posted by: addenza on: October 15, 2009
Can’t help but to do it again. And once again, the results are accurate. >.> Just how accurate can this thing be?!!!
—
You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. It would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.
You ‘need to be needed’. As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors on all those within your sphere of influence.
At times one is burdened with more than one’s fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant – you know what you wish to achieve – and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.
The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking – and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.
In the past your trusting attitude has often been misunderstood and so you have needed to protect yourself against your tendency to be abused and taken advantage of. As a consequence you possibly adopt an aloof and critical attitude and you are only willing to let your guard down once sincerity and trustworthiness can be assured.
I am indeed a perfectionist.
Posted by: addenza on: October 15, 2009
Never thought I’ll say this again, but I realised that I am really a perfectionist. >.> Who can’t do everything that she expects of herself. XDDD
Okay, never mind. Anyway, just wanted to say that I’m going on hiatus again until after PW. Cause it gives me headaches every day whenever there’s meetings. And I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something… ><
Because I know that I deserve it, and I cannot blame anyone for it.
Posted by: addenza on: October 9, 2009
It’s nice to read/watch what they have been doing, but after what I’d done, it’s impossible for me to return to their side. There is this dislike so blatant that I cannot help but cringe if I get too near. So I do not hope for forgiveness. Of course, I know that no one is ever liked by everyone and I am not running for a popularity contest. Nonetheless, it is the actions of a fool if I had continued to force my company upon them, making everyone uncomfortable.
–And so, I repent, but keep my distance.
It is unhealthy to hope when you know your own limits.
Posted by: addenza on: October 8, 2009
OMG. I passed my promos. Well, GP, Math and Chemistry anyway. Although they are all in the region of 50+ marks, I’ll slowly move from there towards a B and then hopefully an A. Haha. Looks like fighting to the end with the promos does help in passing it. I was battling all the subjects with my silver armour and shiny sword pen. XD I guess memorising helped? But then again, I’ve not seen how I’ve done for my Econs and Physics, so I should comment more after I’ve seen them. BAHHH. Too horrifying.
Doing PW is seriously pissing me off now. People love to tell me last minute that they are going to find someone. *nudgenudgehinthint – you know who you are* And having disappearing acts – the person in particular has earned a punishment. It just goes to show how considerate you guys are. Oh thanks a lot. I have no need for this kind of consideration. Oh well, you guys just had to trigger the project-crazed demon switch in me, which has not been switched on for 5 years. There isn’t enough time left. I’d rather finish earlier so that we can make revisions than finish right on time and cannot even have time to change or adjust to the changes.
Whatever. Thinking about it makes me pissed. One more time this happens, and I might lose control of my temper and have a shouting match in school. I’m not going to care about the location. Neither will I give those people who refuse to cooperate so many chances.
ColorGenics II
Posted by: addenza on: October 7, 2009
Took this test again cause YH took it again and I felt like doing so just to see how different I am feeling right now from that time I did it – refer to that one here. It’s really kind of accurate. Creepy. ><
—
Enough is enough – and you feel that you’ve had enough for a while. You don’t need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout ’stop’ and experience a little peace and calm – even if it be only for a little while. This doesn’t mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world – it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.
Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.
Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.
Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.
You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in ‘dreaming’ but it is you – and only you – that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality.
